we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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