You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize