If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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