if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
