A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
