So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
