WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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