No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
