You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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