she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Panties = found
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
