im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
