It was confusing and full of hummus
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
should my penis look like a turkey
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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