I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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