I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
