People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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