so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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