he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
