he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
