I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The air was thick with penises
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
