with your own penis?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
