Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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