Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
