Pants 0. Shit 1.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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