I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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