thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
