she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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