Jerry, you need to find god
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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