the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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