I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
