wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
