and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize