I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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