You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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