she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
