Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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