he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
