I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
