Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
