I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
