there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
