Can i not drive my cunt home
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
