I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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