all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
