I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
