So many bounce houses so little time
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i think im in europe. pls send help
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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