She tied me up with her honor cords...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
