remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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