I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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