booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
