i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
