My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
