The best revenge is premature balding
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
