wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She's the barista slut.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
