I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
