Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
