just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
