I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
