I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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