I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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