I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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