is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
