btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
