Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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