it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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