At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
