Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
