He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize