I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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