Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
